Mute Memories In LA

No Words Can Express...

2008-02-16T14:50:00.000-08:00

My Dear Sir Bradley-Kelly (oh shame on hyphenated names)-

I shall not hasten in my response to the blog war because I must get all the retched Black Dahlia/Sutton Christopher muck out of my brain before it completely dissolves into nothing.

When going into a film that is named after a blockbuster (in sorts) in hope that people will mistakenly rent it instead, I have low expectations. However, until last night I was not capable of forming expectations low enough for a film. Few people have had the opportunity to watch the movies I made in middle school/high school such as Supergirl and The Wannabees but in all honesty I think they are legitimately better. I cannot understand how a company like Lions Gate is willing to distribute such utter trash to Hollywood and Blockbuster. We’ve all had our fair share of renting random bad movies but there is no comparison to The Black Dahlia.

Lets talk about…

Plot: Fucked

Character development: Fucked with no costume changes

Cinematography: Fucked and cameraman should be shot

Acting: (sorry Chris) Fucked

Screenplay: Not sure there was one

Of course the only reason we watched this film is because our friend Chris is in it. I do feel bad talking trash but I know Chris didn’t do it because he thought it was going to launch his career. Not to mention while watching some of those shots I almost felt that karma was working its magic, well maybe.

I could easily run through the plot, making my critiques at every corner but this movie was just too bad. I don’t want to relive it in my head. I haven’t seen much porn in my time but I assume that most porno movies are along the lines of the Black Dahlia, same amount of plot but more nudity and cum in the face.

I do hope I can move on from last night and never think of The Black Dahlia again. However I know that won’t be possible. Now every time I see pigtails, little old men, cops wearing hoodies or Christopher Woolsey sleeping, the horror will return.

Luke-I think we should have gotten high and watched La Strata.

Blog WAR: TEETH

2008-01-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

This film reminded me of junior year of college when I took a feminist film studies class. The zombie-like female? professor didn't take a liking to me, probably because I was one of the only non-dikes in the class. I didn't see the issue. I wrote my final thesis paper on the empowerment of Ana by fucking two young boys and helping them realize their homoerotic tendencies in Y Tu Mama Tambien. I think I got a C-. Maybe its an anti-feminist stance, but in my mind there is nothing wrong with using the shit you got for your own benefit, especially when it means screwing Gael Garcia Bernal.

The myth of vaginal teeth was obviously invented by a man, as was the pad, the thong and douche. Some guy in some weird tribe in Borneo probably couldn't get it up and his girl probably told the tribe so he counteracted by saying she had vagina teeth. Typical. Despite the masochistic origin of this myth, I think vagina teeth can be awesome and there are times, like when I sleep with this guy, that I wish I had them. I liked that in the movie the teeth only came out when she was having unwanted sex, however I found it hard to believe that all these men were pre-pedophiles. In my heartest of hearts I think that all men are ass holes, but they aren't all rapists.
This leads me to another recent discovery, and the most anti-feminist of them all. Take this, Professor Butch. This is so fucked up. I didn't choose to be born with a vagina and yet I am suppose to stick some plastic tube up my shit so I can "protect" myself? If your so pathetic and scared that you actually believe wearing one of these is an option, you should most likely be hospitalized. Yes, one in every eight women are sexually assaulted in their lives but I am not wearing a man made vagina tooth just in case I am one of them. First off, unless I am walking all bowlegged, no on will know I got a fucking snaggletooth up my vagayjay. Then if I do get raped and my plastic apparatus bites them, they aren't going to be too happy. So lets see. Rape or rape and murder? Hmmm....Either way, its bullshit. I am sure there are some women who would feel safer with one inside them or who were already raped and are fearful of it happening again. Well get some karate training, an M-16, a fucking bodyguard but not that thing! Shit!

So now lets actually talk about the movie. Uhhhh...yeah, I have never really seen a castration scene in a movie, let alone three, one with a dog. I don't even have one of those things and I had to cover my eyes, as my BFF crossed his legs and screamed like a girl next to me. The best part of the entire movie was when she used her shit to bite off her step-brothers member. Then as he looks around to find the detached bit, she realizes where it is and "lets go." WOW! Let me say that again. WOW!

The movie also reminded me of my chastity/Jesus lovin' days. Of course I didn't have to be forced to spread my legs, it only took 12 shots of Absolute and a motel room in Port Angeles. It also reminded me how much I can't stand sexually repressed people. How lame is it to save your virginity? Who does that, other than Tori Spelling? I hope a bunch of Christian girls saw that movie and realized it was best to just give it up and not wait to stain their perfect white wedding dresses.

My good friend Frank was also in this movie. He has had a lot of starring roles lately, and I think he really has a career ahead of him.

Unplanned Blog War: Cloverfield

2008-01-28T14:19:00.001-08:00

The anti-Frank response can be read here

What do you get when you combine a monster with a bad case of lice, five douches in their 20's, a couple of crazy Black (this detail will become relevant later) kids and one really angry audience member? You get the 9:20 showing of Cloverfield at Lloyd Cinemas.

So in case you didn't know I am one of those crazy obsessed Lost people. I also watched most of Alias and of course Felicity so me and J.J. Abrams are practically old friends. J.J. is capable of some shitty stuff but I felt I owed it to him to go see this movie. I hadn't read any reviews and didn't really have any expectations (probably a good idea). The whole apocalyptic NYC concept is getting pretty old. I kept expecting Ben Affleck to jump out and announce he was going to save this "great fucking city." I feel that Cloverfield could have been so much more effective if it had taken place in Kansas City or Sacramento.

This film could have been a lot more compelling if I wasn't pulling for all the characters to die within 30 seconds of appearing on the screen. It reminded me of going to frat parties in college and always feeling like I didn't belong because I was surrounded my mindless ass holes who wanted to fuck and party. Yeah I wanted to fuck and party but with people who knew the difference between Simon and Garfunkel and Simon Cowell. Lucky for me they did ALL die in the end, though I wish I could have seen them get bitten and explode like Marlena, no contamination sheet needed.

Now to the most likable character of the movie, the Monster, who I will lovingly refer to as Frank. You see Frank had the least amount of character development. I don't know if he came from the Al Qaeda's secret ocean bunker or Rosie O'Donnell's ass, but he was pretty awesome. The best thing about this movie was despite a giant Frank overtaking the city, no one really focused on where he came from. I know you say, how could they think about Frank's origins when they are fighting for their lives? Well if you look back you will remember that all these jerks dragged their asses to midtown just to get Beth. That takes some thought process. I don't understand that process because I am a save yourself type of girl. Now if it was Gael Garcia Bernal I might consider turning around but something tells me no one would be accompanying me. Anyway no one, including all the news anchors said, "did that come from the Lost island? "

Now to the Black part. So as me and Harry and my BFF (though I didn't know he was in the theater. STALKER!) intently watched the film, there was a bit of a commotion. Several teenagers in the theater who had pretty much been talking the whole time and running back and forth like fucking lunatics, got a little too loud. Right when Frank becomes apparently clear to all audience members, they get whack. Then this crazy guy in one of the front rows stands up and starts screaming at them (his words escape me now). To make a long story short, a fight came close to breaking out, I witnessed the biggest pussy security guard ever and everyone got their money back but me because I went out the wrong exit to see seven fucking police cars because everyone knows Portland cops have nothing better to do on a Saturday night. So I was thinking, your Black, you're watching Cloverfield, where there are NO Black characters and your in Portland, full of crackers. This is society breaking you down, so you might be a little ADHD during the movie right?

Fuck if I know. Wish I had got my money back. I want a Frank action figure for my birthday.

"I just had to get it. It totally reminded me of you!"

2008-01-25T12:48:00.000-08:00

This morning I received a package in the mail from my friend Annie. She told me she was sending me a late Christmas gift. She hadn't told me what it was but had called me when she bought it. She was really excited and said, "I just had to buy it. It totally reminded me of you!" When I opened "it," took it out and placed in on my desk, I couldn't not stare. However, I wasn't starring in awe or wonder. A fear gripped me as I looked at the nails, bullets and silver charms and I wondered, "how does this resemble me? Am I a cracked green piece of driftwood adorned with charms from times long ago, with four bullets coming out of the top, scaring off anyone who might want to touch me?"

Other than the leather briefcase on wheels my dad gave me for Christmas, this is the weirdest gift I have ever received. I'm afraid to light the vanilla scented candle because its being held in place by bullets, which a co-worker tells me have already been fired. I have my doubts. As this "thing" sits in front of me, I can't help but feel uncomfortable. Maybe its the fact that it creates a need to look inside myself and see how I am like "it." Maybe its because there is a green piece of wood with bullets on it sitting on my desk. Either way, something is wrong.

Blog War: Our Love to Admire and Bodysuits

2008-01-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

For this blog war, I will need to bring my wit and intellect down a notch so the retard who participates can comprehend. Also for the benefit of their autism is the pronunciation key below. All you need to do is click on the pretty gray picture. Go on, click it!

pro·gres·sion

1.	the act of progressing; forward or onward movement.

When I was 8 years old I owned and valued a floral bodysuit. It had purple petunias and looked beautiful with my black tapered jeans. If you aren't familiar with bodysuits its necessary to point out how they must retain that tightness factor in order to exude the awesomeness factor.

There are two flaps with three buttons that can be snapped at the crotch. To take this wondrous piece of clothing off you must either unsnap the buttons and pull it up or wiggle out of the shoulders and pull it down. Both options create issue. If you choose the snapping option you must then re-snap to get it back on. This can be quite complicated as you need to stretch the material past the crotch and then bend over in order to view which snap goes where. As an 8 year old I did not have the sort of brilliant hand eye coordination I now possess.

Then there is the downward pull alternative. Though this doesn't create as many issues getting on and off it does offer the possibility of stretching out the body suit. There is one element that makes or breaks the amazingness of a body suit, its tightness. Loose this and you got nothing. You might as well wear a turtleneck and change your name to Sandy. So by pulling the bodysuit on and off it begins to sag, loose its shape and in my case had the potential to put more emphasis on the boyish haircut I had due to my mom taking me to a hair salon in Vancouver called Hair Country.

For the two necessary times during the day in which I had to put on or take off the body suit for dressing purposes I would take the snap option, as I had more time to devote to the process. However, there were also the numerous times during the day that I had to remove the bodysuit for the purpose or urination. I remember standing in the lime green stall with my pants around my ankles, debating which option made more sense. Then my 8 year old brain had a mental breakthrough. It had been an e=mc2, Moonlight sonata, mould=penicillin moment. I would hold the snap opening of the bodysuit to the side, as I peed. It was true brilliance.

So I sat on the toilet and my small prepubescent hand held the Lycra fabric to the side of the place I thought had two holes and not three and let my lunchtime chocolate milk out. As Niagara Falls continued, the fabric in my hand got tighter and tighter until I could no longer hold it. The bodysuit propelled its way back into place, pee splashed upwards and the purple petunias turned yellow. That night I unsnapped the bodysuit for the last time.

Buying that bodysuit and making that fashion statement showcased my awesomeness, pissing in the bodysuit was a mistake and putting the bodysuit on a hanger in my closet never to be warn again was a progression. I took a step forward, I learned from my mistakes and look at me now. WOW.

For Interpol, Turn on the Bright Lights was a showcase of awesomeness, Antics was a mistake and Our Love to Admire is a true progression.

The Blog War Continues-There Be Blood (Clever Double Meaning)

2008-01-16T15:25:00.000-08:00

That's right it's a blog war!

After you are blown away by me, you can read my BFF's not as awesome response here .

It’s hard for me to come to any concrete conclusions about this film because part of me is still thinking "wtf?" from the last fifteen minutes. Just about every actor in this movie blew my mind. I didn’t think that films were capable of the type of cinematography that TWBB showcases. I was made to feel like I was covered in oil and had grown a mustache. However, I still can’t consciously say it was the best film of the year or it changed my life. If anything, it bothered me on a lot of levels. I could go on about the father-son relationship, the switch of narration from Sinclair’s book or how long Daniel Day Lewis’ torso is, but I won’t.

Daniel Plainfield is one of the most vividly disturbing/compelling characters I have seen on the screen in some time. I wouldn’t go as far to say I have a soft spot for him but every now and again there is this dichotomy of an evil vengeful man and a sad guilt-stricken man. There is a part of Daniel that seeks redemption but when he does get it, it comes in the form of unwillingly accepting Jesus into his heart in exchange for land. Because he is a greedy, angry man, Daniel’s guilt for abandoning his child will never fully diminish.

After two and half-hours, Paul Thomas Anderson seems to give up on the film, plot and characters. Daniel is no longer fighting within himself over who he is. Suddenly he is a complete and total bastard. He tells his grown-up son (who I didn’t believe for a minute) that he is actually an orphan and then bashes Eli Sunday’s head in after reminding the pathetic preacher that he drinks his milkshake. "I drink your milkshake?" Excuse me? Remind me not to give my academy vote to Anderson for best screenwriting. Did they even have milkshakes back then? They didn’t even have cow’s milk just goat milk.

Daniel’s relationship with Eli Sunday is the most compelling of the film and yet it could have been so much more amazing. With Johnny Greenwood’s epic-creep-you-the-fuck-out soundtrack, I expected something absolutely prolifically satanical to happen. Ok, maybe no crucifix up the vagina but with Eli’s crazy preachin’ I did have higher expectations. But just when things are getting good, he jumps on a train. Sure his head might get bashed in at the end but I like to pretend those scenes never happened, as they were completely POINTLESS.

I would like to go back to the scene where Daniel Plainfield and his half-brother are laying on the beach, reveling in their accomplishments. They both lie their heads in the warm sand and close their eyes. Daniel sighs and you almost get a hint of a smile from his lips. Then there is a loud "plop!" Daniel looks up and the camera takes his eye view. From the sky comes a large dark green reptile and bounces off his forehead. Heavy droppings of green frogs followed by loud "ribbets" fall on Daniel and his brother. The two men stand up and look at each other in awe. As a frog slides off Daniel’s head and onto his shoulder, he looks at his brother and says, "I drink your milkshake." THE END.

Tell Thom!

2008-01-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

How long have I been alive? And how have I never seen Radiohead? Finally a US tour was announced but guess who they forgot? The most important city of them all---PORTLAND! Well here is your chance to change that. I guess morning show Greg has some in, according to Ezra and End Hits so a petition has been created. I have already emailed from my numerous email accounts and now its your turn. Please help change my life by letting me hear Green Plastic Watering Can's live. All you have to do is send an email to portlandwantsradiohead@gmail.com and tell them Radiohead needs to come to Portland.

Getting my Shit Together!

2008-01-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

So on a depressing Sunday morning (even though it's sunny out) I decided to read last year's New Years resolutions. Not sure I met any of them but the one I found most prolific was to stop bashing bands on my blog. That must have been before I kicked the Valium habit (that was another resolution) because I did continue that and plan to continue this tradition through the year of 2008.

I never actually stick to resolutions but more or less write them so I have something to laugh at the next January 1st. So here we go. Buckle up, sit back and read 10 things that will probably never happen.

1) Get a boyfriend
-This has nothing to do with wanting a boyfriend. The whole concept really turns me off and I don't think I have ever enjoyed being single as much as I do now. However in order to discontinue some of my current behaviors I can only imagine a boyfriend would do this. The other option of a chastity belt and rehab just doesn't sound too appeasing.

2) Continue acting like I am 24 without guilt.
-Ever since I have moved back from LA I have finally started having fun and not being the ass hole at home on a Friday night. However some of my actions have derived a decent amount of this thing called guilt. Maybe without it I would actually get out of control but I am sick of waking up and cringing due to the night before. I am one my youngest friends so I should revel in this and remind all the 30 somethings how awesome that is.

3) Try to remember what a life plan is
-I used to have pretty much everyday of the next 5 years mapped out. Now I am lucky if I can figure out Wednesdays. Then again I am supposed to be in D.C. working as a journalist in some brownstone by now. After LA I just gave up on knowing what I should be doing with myself. Its actually way less stressful. Actually I think its a good thing. nevermind.

4) Dust more.
-I can see the dust on the tv and the wall clock. People must judge me.

5) Stop telling people I have a cat and then say he only has one eye.
-It's not even a disability and yet I feel the need to enlighten everyone of this fact. It's like when my grandma starts out a story with "I was talking to this Black man..." only to finish the story and realize race had nothing to do with it. I am sorry Odi.

6) Be on time.
-I am such a procrastinator and its already 2. I am going to be late. Sorry I didn't make it to 10.

The Shortcomings of Bloggers

2008-01-11T15:09:00.000-08:00

You can read the other (wrong) opinion here

99.9% of people who write about music, do it for the wrong reasons. These hipster douche bags possess high trafficked blogs for one purpose. They want to be the tastemakers. These were the kids in high school who sat in the corner picking their noses, had their first sexual experience at 25 and still own an Atari. Lucky for these freaks, unattractive traits are now dubbed "cool."

Then there is me. Heather "the one" Nordeen. My awesomeness is not transmitted by a 3,000-word essay on the technical innerworkings of Grizzly Bear’s new single. No! I am here to pull the reproduction shag rug out from under all the ass holes who think they are making amazing music and in turn, remind the music blogging community that we have a responsibility to blog the bad.

This isn’t about YOU, the blogger and how extraordinary your music tastes are. This is about outing all the artists and bands who are taking us down a very dark road.
They are forcing my peers and I to be remembered with the same disdain as the disco generation. This is the red scare and I am Joseph McCarthy.

I have been on many a first date where things are going well and then after too many vodka-crans I ask the infamous question, "Who are your favorite bands?" Soon a small about puke wanders its way up my throat as the person in front of me responds with "Jens Lekman, Xiu Xiu, MIA, Deerhunter, Animal Collective. You know." I suddenly realize the person who I was considering sleeping with is absent a brain and a walking Stereogum blog.

As bloggers, we must remind these impressionable idiots that there is such a thing as your own opinion in music. Yes its possible you might loose some of your "hipster cred" (which some people I know hold on a pedestal) but at least when Brooklyn Vegan posts about how great Ashlee Simpson’s new album is you will be able to stop and say NO! This is wrong!

We can’t continue to allow these bloggers to let their narcissistic music picks dictate our lives. Of course some of the bands that these blogs say are wonderful, are wonderful. But I am not here to say "good job!" I am here to tell Brandon Flowers he is a Mormon douche obsessed with early Springsteen. God has put me on this earth to remind people that just because a band has an animal in its name does not make it groundbreaking.

You can call me a hypocrite and say I am no different than the rest but you are wrong. What separates me from the music-nazi bloggers is that I am never wrong. I am amazing. I am Heather "the one" Nordeen and my criticisms are as good as the word of God.

Blog WAR

2008-01-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

If my rantings on musical blasphemy aren't enough conflict for you, the blog of all blog wars has begun between my #1 BFF and myself. Though he may present some sort of challenge I have confidence that I shall come out as the winner of each and every entry. There has been some misgivings about how this conflict originally began. Though he may have impregnated me with Satan's offspring, I believe the issue started in the recovery room after his unfortunate accidental sex change. He couldn't seem to find humor in having his genitals removed instead of his tonsils. His lack of regard for this amusing situation forced me to start the blog war, as a means to help him cope with the loss. Though I may hold some sympathy, I will crush him. Let it begin... And one more thing...who the hell is Ben Goots?

The Obligatory Rivers Cuomo Post

2008-01-10T14:55:00.000-08:00

First I want to make something clear: I haven’t listened to this album and have no plans to. I devoted a good seven years of my life to this man so don't tell me I am being a hypocrite. I don't have to listen to it to rail on it. Do you go to the wedding of the ex who is getting married to the girl he cheated on you with before you bitch him out? NO!

Alone: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo is full of eighteen tracks of music that Rivers recorded from 1992 to 2007. I admit that I might really appreciate hearing the original recording of Buddy Holly or unheard songs from the ominous Black Hole album. However, I got fucking principles. Not to mention there just happen to be three other band members involved and yet this is a Rivers Cuomo album?

So why blog about an album I have never heard? Because to this day I cannot retire the disdain and anger I have towards Rivers reprehensible behavior that started with The Green Album. Its not just what happened after Pinkerton, it’s the fact that to this day Rivers still doesn’t realize what he did to some of us. Ten years later he thinks we have all gone away or forgotten. Well I haven’t forgotten about Hash Pipe and I am not alone. If hell continues to freeze over Weezer will make another album and unless time travel is invented and Rivers can go back and tap that talented naïve little boy, we are in for another musical disaster.

People tell me I need to move on with my life, leave The Blue Album and stop singing My Name is Jonas when I am getting fisted by the gyno to calm myself. But I won’t. I refuse. If it wasn’t for that album I wouldn’t know the difference between Three Dog Night and Nate Dog. We can’t forget until one day Rivers is sitting in his Asian pagoda, clutching his guitar, singing El Scorpio in between sobs as he realizes what he did to us. I will never forget.

Back

2008-01-10T14:11:00.000-08:00

I left the blogging planet for a short while but I am now back. Though I seem to focus on music I have decided to make things a bit more general since the Killers won't have a new album out anytime soon. I have an inclination that this is going to be the biggest thing to hit the internet since porn, so sit back and enjoy my pure wit, intellect and life lessons.

Control-Now Shall I Hang Myself Too?

2007-11-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

I've had enough tormented musician ex-boyfriends, though fortunately for
me they never it made it big, never got me pregnant and never hung
themself by a closeline. As much as Ian Curtis was a talented and confused
soul, I felt that "Control" contectualized his story as opposed to
glorifying his life and choices. I have many times found myself wanting to
be part of the band of characters in films like Almost Famous and The
Doors. I have always wanted to play a quintessential role in a band and no
I don't mean the groupie. However after watching Control I was reminded of
all the shit that went along with it and that in the end its not all its
cracked up to be.

Although most people liked 24 Hour Party People, I didn't. Maybe it was
because the idea of having to be in a room with a douche like Tony Wilson
threw me off but in all reality I don't feel that Ian Curtis was explored
in the film correctly. Sam Riley embodied him well but to my recollection,
he sings a song, has an epileptic fit then committs suicide only for
Wilson to say something nasty at his funeral. Maybe Curtis was an idiot
for taking his own life but I do think that his life and Joy Division's
contribution to Facotry Records should have been more emphasized in this
film.

Control only neglected two things for me when it comes to showing who Ian
Curtis was. First his childhood and family life. There are only two scenes
including his parents and we never get a feel for them. Despite being
offered a scholarship, Curtis never took his academic abilities anywhere
despite his talent for writing but this is left out. More time is spent on
Curtis and his friend at an older woman's house finding prescription
drugs, however that is the only scene in the film dedicated to drug use
that isn't part of Ian's epilepsy, though drugs and mainly alcohol played
a role in his downward spiral. I suppose as a director Corbijn choose to
focus on certain things, along with Debbie Curtis' book and Curtis' main
problems was his depression, relationships and epileptic fits.

What bothered me most in the film was the relationship between Debbie, Ian
and his mistress Annik. Being based on Debbie Curtis book I thought more
symphathy would go along with her character, played by Samantha Morton but
her naive and passive choices made me dispise her as much as I did Ian. I
feel that "Love Will Tear Us Apart" has just become another clique in the
world of dead musicians but Control made me realize why this sentence is
so true. And no it isn't some glamorized truth about love and tortured
souls, its about people who make poor and selfish decisions and how they
effect those around them. Musicians are people too and just because they
overdose, drown or hang themselves doesn't mean that their legacy trumpts
their mistakes.

The Police at The Grammy's-Someone Shoot Me

2007-02-12T11:36:00.000-08:00

Was it the leather vest, the hints of geriatrics or possibly the fact that Sting wasn’t able to move from the waist down while performing? I’m not sure but after last night’s Grammy performance I hope that The Police reunion comes to an abrupt end via Sting injuring himself during tantric yoga.
From about the age of three I listened to The Police. I loved every song, though I couldn’t appreciate it for what it was at the time; now I can. An album like “Brand New Day” is truly unforgivable but for some reason I thought they might be able to resurrect themselves. It would have made more since to do it at Coachella but signing on for the Grammy’s was the first sign of disaster.
Just because you had a good thing doesn’t mean you can come back to it 20 years later and it will still be the same. I don’t believe there is anyway to salvage The Police and its time for them to throw the towel in. Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland could have had the balls to just say no to Gordan Sumner and his black leather vest. When your front man turns to the dark side of adult contemporary you have to just keep walking.

SXSW-The Pain I Feel

2007-02-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

I’ve been waiting for this day for quite some time now and I just don’t feel whole again like I had expected. Is it Interpol, is the ridiculous $425 I am supposed to drop or maybe it’s the fact that I have had such a shitty week not even SXSW can make it better.

Let us begin with Interpol. In the big scheme of things it doesn’t make any sense for a band like Interpol to play the festival or at least not be part of the line-up. But then of course rumors, along with an initial list said that they would be playing. Today the official list did come out and their name was very apparently missing. Now I realize I will get to see them at Coachella but it will also be with a few thousand sweaty drugged out people. I rather see them in an intimate setting and at a festival like SXSW . So most likely they will play but it will be one of those super secret, announced at the last minute things. My relationship with Capitol is not what I would like it to be and I am worried that disaster may occur and I won’t get in. This leads me to my next point…press passes.

I won’t name names, I won’t be specific but despite my job, company and previous involvement in Austin but since when did press passes have a dollar amount? I called bullshit on this but still nothing. I am not going down there to pay to interview bands on top of having to drop massive amounts of cash on the a hotel, flight and what not. Now of course this isn’t just for me this is for all registrants who are expected to pay that amount for their badge. I realize these people have to make money but I think it is absolutely outrageous. Why should music cost so much? They are going out of their way to make it an environmentally friendly festival well while you are at it why not make it affordable to the normal fan who doesn’t have 500 bucks to drop to see bands. I can understand a figure somewhere around 250 but the badges are just too fucking expensive.

I really didn’t think I would ever get down on SXSW but from I have never encountered such blatant rudeness in a professional setting. I hate that people should have to pay all this money to see all these amazing bands. It gets to the point where you have to be somebody or have some real cash to go there and that’s not right. Of course there has to be money to pay these bands, there has to be profit but something tells me those badges are paying for more that five days of music.

Don’t get me wrong I am still really excited about some of the artists who will be there. Its going to be an amazing five days but its also going to force me to eat Macaroni and Cheese for months at a time. I like compromise but I just don’t see any here.

The Theory of Integrity

2007-02-01T15:39:00.000-08:00

When one sets out to write the next great American novel, the most influential album of the century or become the most radical artist of the past twenty years, ambition takes hold and disappointment soon follows. Then there are those who make their mark and are compared to those who have changed the world forever, and many times join those ranks. These people succeed because this was never their sole purpose, only a result of an unassuming attempt. Not all efforts lead to the golden road of succe

ss but the pretentious ones will never find their pot of gold because they were searching for it from day one. They disregard the fact that you can’t create something extraordinary when you loose your integrity along the way or never had it in the first place.

So of whom am I speaking of? In this oversaturated materialistic world we live in, unfortunately most everyone but for now I would like to focus on a few that make this decree a rule in music. The Killers, Sam’s Town is “one of the best albums in the past 20 years". If only someone other than Brandon Flowers had said this they might not fall into my law of egotism. Unfortunately, Flowers was quoted saying this while still recording the record. Sam’s Town is definitely an attempt at greatness but the blatant goal of being the next Pink Floyd is more apparent than their talent in the 12 tracks that litter the polycarbonate plastic it resides in.

So what was running through Flowers mind as he crafted the imagery of cliché archetypes, religious references and imitated personas? When one tries too hard it becomes blatant in what they create. After a few times through Sam’s Town it becomes sadly apparent that while writing the album Flowers was not only listening to Springsteen, he was studying it. When Springsteen recorded Nebraska in his room on a four track player I doubt his ambitions took over as The Killers did. This unpretentious effort is what allowed Springsteen to create musical masterpieces. Hot Fuss came out of nowhere and although it wasn’t an album to remember for centuries, it introduced a few well crafted pop songs. Whether Mr. Brightside was a fluke or someone in that band happens to be a genius is not the issue at hand. The fact is the band still had the opportunity to make a decent follow up but their success from their debut overshadowed any integrity they at one time possessed. Unless a miracle occurs I predict their third album will be the beginning of the end and they will soon fall into oblivion.

Now to those who achieve greatness while exerting humbleness. Arcade Fire’s most recent creation, Neon Bible exemplifies this fact. The record showcases a darker side while every song has a strong driving force behind it that emits a certain feeling to the listener, reminiscent of Born to Run. Already many people have compared Neon Bible to Springsteen and the similarities are clear. However, they are in no way carbon copies of each

other, but each reflecting the same key elements that create these amazing records. Neon Bible doesn’t make me think that Arcade Fire set out to write the next Born to Run, where Sam’s Town does just that. Neon Bible has already surpassed my expectations and has forced me to throw it on repeat. It’s not just the power of the album but the overall feeling I get from the band that are just trying to make good music and won’t let fame, hype or ambition cloud that purpose.

By the time Arcade Fire releases their third album, Brandon Flowers will meticulously be listening to Queen, Zeppelin or even Funeral trying to scrape together some sort of sound he can pass off as original and epic, still in an attempt to make the next best album of the century. Unfortunately for him ambition fueled by arrogance will only lead to a very public failure.

It’s Not the Road We Used to Know-Bright Eyes’ Homecoming

2007-02-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

Despite yesterday’s post, not even selling out can defer me from good music. I opened my inbox this morning to Bright Eyes new single, Tourist Trap and it’s been on repeat since.
I was really torn the last year and a half with Digital Ash and I’m Wide Awake. To me Fevers and Mirrors and Lifted have yet to be surpassed. I feel that Connor’s recent dappling with fame and added addictions led to not being able to meld his musical intrigues together. I’ve tried, but Digital Ash can only take me so far without pushing the eject button in my car. I’m Wide Awake its Morning is a different story. I think it might be missing some of the haunting melodies that the other albums have but it’s still an amazing piece of work.
My obsession with music that contains synthesizers can only last so long and its time for a change. And just in time Connor comes along. Tourist Trap is definitely a melodic Yee-ha, with his typical lyrical grandeur. I think that this single is a brilliant prelude into the upcoming EP and hopefully an even better introduction to Cassadaga, which will arrive April 10th.
Bright Eyes is going on a preliminary tour before the release and will be playing in Los Angeles in March. The last time Bright Eyes came through he was only playing Digital Ash tracks so I chose not to go but this time I will definitely be at The El Rey with stirrups on.

Soul For Sale, Do I Hear a Bid?

2007-01-22T14:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.betweenplanets.co.uk/2006/12/20/bright-eyes-announce-new-album-and-free-download/
“Selling Out”…such a nasty phrase. These days I try my hardest not to use it or force my judgments on artists that choose to go to major labels. I feel that any artist should be given a chance to come out with an album on a major, and only if the selling out is apparent do I comment. Death Cab, The Decemberists, even Interpol, but its not always bad. There are always going to be different results. We have on one end the amazing The Crane Wife by The Decemberists and on the other the horror that is now the overproduced Modest Mouse. However, there are some artists who stood for something in a very vocal way who do look hypocritical when they make this decision.
I have been listening to Bright Eyes for a long time and despite his sometimes whiny tirades, Connor is an amazing songwriter and capable of things that most musicians can’t touch. At the same time he has also spent a lot of his tracks speaking of his pledge against sell outs, critics and this country. He has always been outspoken in his views and until now I have found this trait highly respectable, despite his manic depressive issues.
If you read the occupying article you now know that Bright Eyes has signed to Polydor in the UK, which is under the Universal Umbrella, otherwise known as the Evil Empire. I know what all you indie snobs are thinking, it’s ok, if not respectable because the only reason he did this was to get distribution on a world wide level, especially in Europe. His publicist even said, “Bright Eyes have been on numerous labels outside of North America over their recording history and the move to Polydor is the newest endeavor to reach as many fans as possible.” Well that’s a nice thought but not true.
Saddle Creek also has an office in London along with distribution throughout Europe, and through many other independent labels. In the year I spent on that side of the ocean I had a boyfriend who would force me to stay in obscure record stores for hours at a time and without fail I could always find Bright Eyes albums, even rarities that I couldn’t get in the US. Maybe he will get a bigger shelf in the Virgin Mega store but it wasn’t like his albums weren’t there in the first place. If there is anyone I expect to hold to their principles its Connor Oberst. The next you know he will be backing Hilary Clinton and dating Cameron Diaz.
Connor once sang, “I feel more like a stranger each time I come home. So I’m making a deal with the devils of fame. Saying “let me walk away, please”
Looks like someone broke their end of the deal.

Jesus and Indie Rock- A Hipster's Nightmare

2007-01-22T14:09:00.000-08:00

After reading the recent press on The Cold War Kids and their debated Christian faith I feel it is necessary to give my two cents on the issue of indie rock and Christianity.
http://www.sdcitybeat.com/article.php?id=5267 http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/39188/Cold_War_Kids_Robbers_and_Cowards
As Pitchfork so eloquently put it, “hipsters hate Jesus.” This I can understand but when it comes to music I think that some open mindedness should be expected. Plenty of artists sing about things I am not terribly interested in or would ever do, like shooting up heroin, being famous or sleeping with large numbers of women. However, lyrics don’t usually hinder me from getting into a good band. I am sure many of you Jesus hating cool kids are disagreeing with me but let me share some personal experience.
After growing up in a family where my only religion was watching Zeffirelli’s Jesus of Nazareth around Christmas time, I didn’t really believe in much, just some form of God. My senior year of high school I randomly found God and Jesus and all that other jazz due to many different circumstances. I then arrived at Seattle Pacific University as a freshmen and though I had found some faith I still had a lot of questions and not much of an understanding of popular Christian culture, especially in my age group. In the year and a half I spent at this school I began to realize just who these “Christians” were. I was forced to go to 20 hours of Christian events a quarter which included guys talking about how they had lost faith and become gay only to be “fixed by Jesus” and were now straight enough to share their stories. I went to the famous Mars Hill Church in Seattle, run by Satan himself Mark Driscall who believes women can not be ordained. Professors who were closeted themselves or ones who cried at the beginning of class begging everyone to spend their big Christian bucks on the starving children in Africa. The main theme in the freshmen dorms was “ring for spring” which quickly led to my rebellion of dating one of the only other outsiders, a guy who wore a tail for fun and would flash his homemade porn belt in the school cafeteria. I would walk a mile just to hide in the woods so I could smoke a cigarette. In the end this school made me loose complete faith in Jesus and I buried myself in music and anything that wasn’t religious, anything. A year and a quarter later I woke up one morning, looked out the window, threw all my crap in my Honda and drove back to Portland. Best decision of my life. I am now an agnostic at best and proud of it.
So why do I tell you this long, pointless story? No it is not my personal pity party. I want to justify the fact that I have had my own horrendous Christian experience before I go on with my argument for hipsters to get off their high horse. And no not all Christians fall into this category, of crazies and hypocrites.
Many amazing bands have Christian jargon or visuals in their music that scares off listeners in tight pants with perfectly placed holes. Or the running phrase I have heard too much of, “They aren’t a Christian band, they are Christians in a band.” In the end who knows if many of these bands are Christians or not and does it really matter if the music is good? To name a few bands that have at some point been associated with Christianity:
Sufjan StevensPedro The LionCold War KidsMute MathU2Bob DylanBelle and Sebastian
I once saw David Bazan of Pedro the Lion get quite angry at a show after having too many interviewers ask him if he was a Christian. I seem to remember him even using the word “Fuck” to show his distain. Of course I also think that there are exceptions to all this. Such as bands that start out as extremely preachy and one sided, only to suddenly not want to talk about their beliefs or no longer sing about them in a direct way because they are picked up by a major label. This is hugely hypocritical and a metaphor for many of the people I went to college with. I think that we can put Switchfoot and POD into this genre, though they were never decent in the first place.
Music is an art form and many people can be deterred because Jesus gets involved. However, Jesus didn’t make the music and as long as no one is asking you to believe in him, you might as well listen. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point of acceptance and I understand that some people just can’t do it. But being a music snob doesn’t mean that you can’t open your ears to bands like Cold War Kids because of their implied beliefs.

This Is The End-Rivers Cuomo Has Broke My Last Straw

2007-01-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

Before I begin my tirade, here is the article that Rivers Cuomo of Weezer contributed to The Harvard Crimson Best of ‘06 list. http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=516461Try not to purge your lunch.
I lost faith in Rivers and Weezer a long time ago but this article has completely ripped the groundwork from under my feet and made me question River’s integrity from Day 1 of the Blue Album. Can one person possibly come to these conclusions after being a gimp, losing half their fan base and leaving music behind? Or has he always been this heinous, absolutely nonsensical person? It truly makes me ill to even comprehend such a tragic idea. Not even Shakespeare could imagine such a one sided monstrous person.
Let us first review some of the highlights (if you can call them that), sections of the article.
Danity Kane—“Show Stopper.” I am biologically incapable of not being attracted to this song.
Did he just say that? Biologically incapable? Are you also biologically incapable of being true to your fans and not deserting them? Excuse me, that is an understatement. Forsaking them after Pinkerton to force them to listen to your bullshit ranting on being on an island with a hash pipe? Speaking of islands lets go to the next excerpt.
“Lost”—I’m just about finished with the first season but I think I’m going to have to give it up because it’s too violent.
You have got to be fucking kidding me. Too violent? What is violent is the emotional pain you have caused me since ‘01. This just happens to be my favorite show and the only intelligent thing on television. Who is this guy? There are even Asian women on the show to play to his yellow fever.
And finally to top it all off, this:
Panic At The Disco—“I Write Sins Not Tragedies.” This song seems so avant-garde and yet it’s structurally very simple and repetitive. Good job, kids.
The irony about this statement is that he points out one of the main reasons Panic is such a horrible band; they are simplistic and repetitive, but to him this is a good thing?
On a personal note (not that this whole thing isn’t personal) I came into work today late because I am very sick and while I sat at my computer coughing and sniffling I ran across this article. Not only am I physically ill but I am now emotionally wounded. I feel that this man has no sense of reality anymore. He sits in his little dorm room, listens to Danity Kane and is no longer, if ever, was the Rivers I knew.

The Horror! The Horror!

2007-01-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

I know this may sound conceited but they are out to get me. Brandon knew that there were few other things in life that could piss me off more than a Killers cover of Joy Division, especially in a movie about Ian Curtis. He is turning over in his grave. The majority of the soundtrack is done by New Order so of all the other bands in the world to add to this compilation, why The Killers?

Well if you are wondering why this is I have the answer or a portion of it. The film titled, “Control” and based on Ian’s wife Deborah’s book is being directed by Anton Corbijn who is no idiot. He is a famous photographer and music video director. You probably know him from the U2 Joshua Tree cover seen above. He has directed music videos such as the very disturbing Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana, pretty much every Depeche Mode video, and of course The Killers “All These Things I’ve Done.”

Anton Corbijn has an amazing portfolio; he has had the opportunity to work with some of the most talented and interesting artists of the past 20 years but I am not sure how The Killers fit into this. Of course any photographer/director is going to work with artists that aren’t so great but why would you choose the Killers to cover Joy Division, who is supposedly one of Corbijn’s favorite artists. It seems that he has close relationships with U2, Depeche Mode, even Morrissey and yet he asks the Killers to contribute to this film. All I can imagine is that he wanted the press, or lost his musical ear sometime after Curtis’ death.

Then again maybe I am being too harsh. This guy has obviously put his all into this film along with Deborah Curtis and I am just bitching about a soundtrack. So many bands that I love have been deeply influenced by Joy Division and I am sure that they effected The Killers along the way also. If I was making this film of course they would be excluded but considering the amazing body of work that Corbijn has created along the way I will have to wait to see the movie before I make any final conclusions on its integrity.

As for The Killers, I can confidently lift my middle finger and ask “how could you?”

I Love You Jimmy

2007-01-16T11:48:00.001-08:00

Jimmy is finally going to come out with another album. Futures wasn’t my favorite but it was definitely worth listening to. Butch Vig, producer of the record said “The record is quite eclectic. There are three or four songs that sound like classic Jimmy Eat World, with angular, razor-sharp guitars. There are a couple that are a lot more dreamy, and some that are very groove-acious. Anybody who is fan will like this record.” That right there says it all. Nothing will ever match Clarity but I am counting the days.

Morrissey Takes On Eurovision In A Non-Confrontational Way

2007-01-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

Ok so in case you don’t know what Eurovision is its an American Idol meets hell, European style. Morrissey seems to think that he should write the song contest. He never seizes to amaze me by his utter arrogance matched with wanting to be involved with a contest as shit as Eurovision is. Don’t get me wrong I will always be a Morrissey fan but I am not die hard enough to grasp why he is wanting to be part of this crapshoot.

You can read the article at :
http://www.nme.com/news/morrissey/25706

Finally, A Reason To Live

2007-01-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

It’s still a few more months before the release of Neon Bible, but with the recent outing of Intervention and Black Mirror I am starting to feel like a whole person again. Unlike a lot of my other favorite bands I had few doubts that Arcade Fire would do anything less than blow me away with this album. They bring a sound that is not only unmistakable but so unlike anything else you can’t escape their brilliance.

Many bands (I won’t mention names) attempt to make an epic album with a lasting resonance but fail because they are so aware of their objective and allow their ambitions to take over. Arcade Fire creates an extraordinary sound but lack the hedonism that engulfs others. In the musical world of facades and self importance, this band reminds me what music is about, instead of getting lost in all the mess of spectacle along the way.

If all goes well in the world of 2007 Arcade Fire, Interpol and Bright Eyes will bring me a new respect for music and remind me why I got into this mess in the first place because the past year of music and exposure to this industry has managed to dissuade me from my original purpose.

Modest Mouse-Dead On Arrival

2007-01-16T11:43:00.000-08:00

I know I know this has happened so many times to me but everytime I still feel the need to complain and take offense. I started listening to Modest Mouse many many years ago while living in Seattle and being angry at the world. Despite the many horror stories from people who were one time close to Issak and his craziness, I still appreicated his raw honesty and blatantly destructive outlook on the world. It can really cheer you up with all the rain and fir trees looming around. I have been appeased until Sony came along and ruined my party and I can only assume Issak got money hungry. At the same time I don’t like blaming the major labels for the artists choice to go more mainstream with them music. I remember when they used to play off of a laptop on stage, before they had someone for every instrument and strange noise that he feeds off of.

The point is I listened to Dashboard today (www.myspace.com/modestmouse), their new song from the new record and well its overproduced (for Modest Mouse that is) and just even more mainstream than the last album. I can’t help but get bitter when my favorite bands from previous years loose their integrity. Usually crazy whack jobs like Issak are so errogant and stubborn they don’t let the influences get in but obviously something has taken over because the raw, unihibited Modest Mouse I once knew is gone. I realize there are still at least another 10 songs to change my mind that I have yet to hear but I am going to just prejudge and say that the band is right and they were dead before the ship even sank.

The Beginning of the End-Or the Best Five Days of My Life?

2007-01-16T11:42:00.000-08:00

So this is it, the initial line up, my motivation to look both ways and not get run over for the next three months, but is it true? Can it be true? Sure Interpol isn’t Smashing Pumpkins or The White Stripes and they will have a new album to push but will they really play SXSW or pull out like all the other mother fuckers on a major label? One can only hope. Of course if they play I will be able to see them for the millionth time but life was just a lot better when they were on Matador. I have been worried since the switch that this third album will be the sequel to my lifetime Weezer nightmare. Of course Antics isn’t Pinkerton but they are well on their way to prove $$$ signs count over talent and integrity.

But going along with my New Years resolution I must convince myself that their third full length is going to blow my mind, that they won’t pull out of the festival and somehow one of the Capitol peeps will come through and I will get to share my thoughts and feelings from the past three years with the band so that they don’t pull a Rivers on me.

As for the rest of the line up Bloc Party will definitely make me happy as long as Panic doesn’t tag along as they have been and you can’t go wrong with Cold War Kids. I have also heard rumors that Snowden shall be attending, a band who wouldn’t pull out and who I think is amazing and sadly left out of a lot of the best of ‘06 lists. Despite my accommodation at the Rodeway Inn I think it should be a good SXSW .

New Years Resolution or Restitution

2007-01-16T11:41:00.000-08:00

I don’t enjoy doing the whole New Years resolution thing but I think that a slight compromise might be in order this year. I seem to spend most of my time on my blog and Mog bashing bands such as The Killers and Panic! but I feel that all the negativity is really getting me down. I think we all know my glass will never be half full but at least I can fill it with chocolate milk as opposed to rat poison.

Of course I still don’t find anything compelling about Sam’s Town but after a long conversation I recently had with some musically inclined people, I have found that if it wasn’t for bands like The Killers I wouldn’t have as great of appreciation for the artists I think are doing something completely original.

We’ll see where this leads me, maybe a little sprinkle of happiness or possibly explode in my face, due to my normal blog repertoire.

The Horrors-Truth Behind The Hairspray

2007-01-16T11:32:00.000-08:00

"We wouldn't compromise our music to get on the radio," said one of the weird named, bigger hair than I, members of The Horrors. Well I don't believe you and here is why.

Don't get me wrong, my number one hated band is still Panic! with The Killers following as a strong second, however The Horrors have entered my life and created a paradigm in the world of shit music, asking the real question, "Can I legitimately hate them?" Let us first begin with their musical talent. To me they aren't Panic! in writing catchy riffs they know will sell with no musical theory in mind. They also aren't The Killers directly ripping off older bands.

Firstly its hard for me to hate British bands because most them seem to have at least a drop more of intelligence that the clique shit coming out of the US, but with more volume in their hair than me and names like Spider Webb, we must take a second look at this band to determine whether they are the next shoot me in the face, I rather fuck a tree than listen to this music, band. I think that being from England is directly reflected in their music; as in they seem to have some sort of grasp of the original punk movement though I can only hope they don’t consider themselves part of the new one (which in my mind is non-existent).

Their recent fame seems to be based on the fact that they got a decent amount of press from their strobed out video directed by Chris Cunningham. Sure it might be visually pleasing, but I don’t have much else to say about it. I prefer his take on Madonna or Bjork. And also the fact that NME, the British music magazine going down the tube is taken upon itself to launch The Horrors career. So far we have established that they may not be as no talent as some of the other bands I enjoy hating on, but they also don’t have much going for them.

Now to my final point, the last straw that really made me lean in one direction as opposed to stay in the middle: their live show. Yes I did witness this and yes I did leave before the end due to the reality of my head potentially exploding. The hair is real, the fake goth bullshit is there but live the sound isn’t. It was like a massive mess of noise going in one ear and killing brain cell after brain cell as it attempted to exit out the other. Four cranberry and vodka’s and I still wanted to die and not in that good old emo slit your wrists way. I walked out. The band has recently been harassed and attacked on stage. No it wasn’t me but I do seem to understand why audience members would be motivated to do such a thing.

It wasn’t until I saw them in person that it hit me; despite all the potential signs that they aren’t just another façade or unimportant goth/rock clique, that is exactly what they are. Unlike other artists, they have done a better job of hiding it while still using a hint here and there to pull in the young, easily influenced, Hot Topic loving kids, while still snatching up some intelligent, studious listening fans along the way.

This Makes Me Happy Inside

2007-01-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

Weezer Is Dead

2007-01-16T11:15:00.000-08:00

So a slight preface to this post would go something like I moved down to LA having never been to the city but with hopes of working in the music industry. I had never seen a celebrity and was already considering moving back to Portland after a 24 hour period filled with palm trees and strip malls. Then this happened, leading to my complete thoughts on my relationship with Weezer. Now I do work in the music industry, have gotten used to the vegetation and still feel the same way about the band that got me into music in the first place.

So we go to this book release party for Andy (boyfriend at the time) in what is called “The Arts District,” which is actually very nice. Kind of like the Pearl in Portland but has more hipsters than yuppies even though they are secretly the same thing, just don’t tell the hipsters that. Of course getting there was the interesting part. First we go through Koreatown, which is larger than any other “town” in this city then to some sort of weird warehouse area where everyone is selling large amounts of crap in these garage like buildings, I think this should be called China country town, because it looks just like it.

So anyway as we arrive at the party we decide to first go get sushi but on our way Andy points to this guy in the most star struck touristy way and informs me its the bassist for Weezer. Now some of you probably know my reaction to this but for those who don’t let’s go back to 7th grade. As a young naive 12 year old I purchased the first weezer album, the Blue album, and it changed my life. I forced my good friends to memorize the words to “My Name Is Jonas” and turned “Only In Dreams” into some sort of anthem of my life. Now as an anxiety prone 23 year old I still sing this song in my head when I am in closterphobic situations or getting my annual fisting at the doctor’s office. It is very reassuring to me.

So as time went on I was introduced to Pinkerton. A new side of weezer and an allegory of Rivers years of hardship at Harvard with one usable leg and no sex. So that was it. It got me through high school, bad relationships, kept me busy when I choose to not drink or smoke. Those albums saved me. Then it happened. The green album, or what I like to refer to as the beginning of the end. This is where the untrue weezer fans blindfold themselves with denial and come up with some saying like “they are just progressing.” Well playing background guitar on Fred Durst’s new album and singing songs about your pipe are not a progression, they are some sort of sick regression into the blurry days of the beginning when Rivers couldn’t tell the difference between his hand and his amp. That’s when they lost me, that’s when it ended. Since then three more albums have been released, all of which were a sad withdrawal from the beauty and wonder of the first two. So if you know weezer well enough you know that they have juggled around the bassists since Matt Sharp left. So I understand that this guy wasn’t there for the whole thing and cannot take all the blame. However, he still is aware of the mess he has put himself into. That he in turn contributes to the death of one of the potentially best bands of all time. So I have no sympathy.

So as Andy told me as he was standing there, all these years of internal strife went through my head and as much as I wanted to throw myself at his feet, screaming, “why? how? do you know what you have done to us?” in protest not just for myself but for all the forgotten weezer fans, the ones who truly believe what Rivers has done is quite possibly true evil. But I held back. I kept walking. Not only because I might ruin Andy’s big night and his potential career in the publishing industry. But because it wasn’t worth it. Its too late. As much as the blue album has come and went so has the time to open my heart and soul to this band and tell them how my life has slowly deteriorated since the demise of the band. I kept walking for all those weezer fans who know its just too late.

An Open Letter To Brandon Flowers

2007-01-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

Brandon, I know your eyeliner is running, your heart is breaking and your beautiful dreams of becoming the next David Bowie are shattering. But yes you are second best, there is no more Hot Fuss, no more 40 year old women singing along to Mr. Brightside in their oversized Expeditions. You now officially suck, and no longer to just the intelligent people but to all of those who are even mentally capable enough to walk into a Best Buy and purchase a CD. You know why Brandon? Because people rather listen to a goth chick in a black dress than your Cheech and Chong meet Romeo and Juliet in a hurricane on the skyline.

Of course many of you are still thinking, “but they are still number two.” Yes they are but something tells me that isn’t enough for little Mr.Flowers and its a sign of the times. The same sign that tells me no one will know who Panic! at the Disco is in five years. A few years ago the Killers had a brilliant idea of taking a bunch of catchy 80’s rifs and creating an album. This time it didn’t work. This time they just went too far. The over the top video, the molester mustache and the obvious Coldplay ripoff only went so far and now there they are sitting in number two.

Don’t get me wrong there will always be something that just hits you when you listen to a Killers song. They grab you, pull you in and put you in that place you want to be. However it isn’t because they have created a unique sound that you can’t get away from or because technically they can blow any other band out of the water. Its because they are smart and they ripped something off before anyone else did. But now the rest of the music world has caught up with them and the catchy hooks will no longer make up for the shitty stage show where fans suddenly realize Brandon Flowers can’t sing or perform. Now the general CD buying public rather listen to a goth girl with a good voice, then some made up ass hole with a bad mustache.

But life goes on Brandon and as so many artists have done before, you must reinvent yourself. Personally I think I would stray from the 80’s and maybe go way back to teen idol pop from the 50’s. There is nothing the world needs more than the next Frankie Valley. Shave off that mustache and throw on that cardigan and start over. It’s never too late. Not even the day after your second album debuts at number 2. Now is a good a time as any!

Thom Yorke-Busting My Non-Existent Balls

2007-01-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that I am from an environmentally friendly city, I like Al Gore, try to recycle my beer bottles and own a bike. However, I am also a Radiohead fan that still has yet to see the band live and now may never see them because Thom is jumping back on his soapbox.

It seems that Thom would like to reduce carbon emissions into the air and therefore is considering not touring if it means taking a plane. However, Thom might have forgot that the only way to get from the little island of England to Los Angeles is to fly. Though I would love to see him on a Disney cruise with Mickey Mouse but something tells me he would find something morally wrong with that too.

Thom said, “Some of our best ever shows have been in the US, but there’s 80,000 people there and they’ve all been sitting in traffic jams for five or six hours with their engines running to get there, which is bollocks.”

I totally agree, however over here in the great US of A and especially in LA we don’t have many choices. Its great to protest based on a principle but I also think people need to be realistic, evevn you Thom. First he needs to understand that we have a tree hating monkey running the country. Secondly he needs to know that the majority of public transit in America, especially LA, sucks. This isn’t Europe; buses don’t actually stop where you need to go, they don’t run on time and you will most likely be assaulted or peed on (yes I have had this experience) if you do choose to take it. The next option is our best friend the Hybrid. These cars are a great idea, low emissions, awesome gas mileage, happier drivers. However, they cost a butt load. How am I supposed to buy a car I can’t afford in order to save money and the environment? Isn’t that an oxymoron? I recently bought a new car and had every intention of purchasing a hybrid until I saw the prices. So then I looked at used hybrids but you have to replace the battery every five years so when that happens you are just paying for a new one.

This is life Thom and as much as I want to save the environment its not going to happen overnight so you don’t get to not tour because you are an idealist.

Another important thing that needs to be pointed out is that when little old Thom decides to tour through our environmentally unfriendly country he likes to use the biggest corporate sleaze balls next to myspace, to sell his tickets, Ticketmaster. If this guy was really an idealist than he wouldn’t make us fans go through a company that rips you a new ass hole just to see him play live.

Sorry Thom but by the time you come back to LA to play I am going to have saved up all my ticketmaster service fees to pay for a hybrid so I won’t be able to afford to see you live.

Panic! Needs to Go Back to the Disco

2007-01-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

Finally I agree with Panic! At the Disco, or at least partically. Panic! is not emo, emo died a slow and painful death at the beginning of this century. It is an insult to defining bands like Rites of Spring, Sunny Day Real Estate, Mineral and Jimmy Eat World to even try to throw a piece of shit band like Panic! in the same genre.

Emo rock was not created, it just happened. Bands decided to start singing about their vernability and emotions but the fact that they made amazing music out of it doesn’t make them pussy’s as a lot of people like to label emo. Then soon like everything else it caught on and was made into something it wasn’t. Emo isn’t dyed black hair swept to the side, or girls slitting their wrists. Emo is a type of music, not a lifestyle.

Of course bands like Panic! don’t know much about music and probably haven’t even heard of Mineral so they have no right calling a genre that no longer exists “bullshit.” What’s bullshit is bands selling an image and not a sound. Brendon Urie seems to think that making his voice sound like he’s going through puberty and dressing up like he is in the circus is real music. Unfortunately our soceity is more about a facade and a look than it is about a sound. Kids are no longer interested in amazing musicians but are focused which band most embodies their teenage angst in the outfits they wear on stage.

As many people know its really hard for me to accept where music is heading and its bands like Panic! that really piss me off. The music world is turning into overproduced bands who are selling an image and I hate it and it’s only going to get worse. Most of my music nazi friends still have hope but I find it hard when bands like Panic!, Cobra Starship and MyChem are the tastemakers to teenagers. Don’t get me wrong there is still amazing music out there and it isn’t going anywhere but it’s getting further away from the mainstream. I now can very rarely find any album on the top 100 that I think is actually created by a worthy band.

I was once a teenager and I too listened to emo, trying to deal with the stupid shit that I actually thought mattered back then. However, I listened to Dashboard because I could relate to what he was saying, not because he went on stage wearing makeup.

Panic has been pigeonholed by the press into the genre of emo and I understand that this could very well bother them. But why diss the genre, why not diss the media? Oh I know because they want more press and want more money. If Panic! was actually an outspoken, amazingly unique band they wouldn’t need to cover their asses and they would actually target the media, instead of target emo like every other journalist does.