My Dear Sir Bradley-Kelly (oh shame on hyphenated names)-
I shall not hasten in my response to the blog war because I must get all the retched Black Dahlia/Sutton Christopher muck out of my brain before it completely dissolves into nothing.
When going into a film that is named after a blockbuster (in sorts) in hope that people will mistakenly rent it instead, I have low expectations. However, until last night I was not capable of forming expectations low enough for a film. Few people have had the opportunity to watch the movies I made in middle school/high school such as Supergirl and The Wannabees but in all honesty I think they are legitimately better. I cannot understand how a company like Lions Gate is willing to distribute such utter trash to Hollywood and Blockbuster. We’ve all had our fair share of renting random bad movies but there is no comparison to The Black Dahlia.
Lets talk about…
Plot: Fucked
Character development: Fucked with no costume changes
Cinematography: Fucked and cameraman should be shot
Acting: (sorry Chris) Fucked
Screenplay: Not sure there was one
Of course the only reason we watched this film is because our friend Chris is in it. I do feel bad talking trash but I know Chris didn’t do it because he thought it was going to launch his career. Not to mention while watching some of those shots I almost felt that karma was working its magic, well maybe.
I could easily run through the plot, making my critiques at every corner but this movie was just too bad. I don’t want to relive it in my head. I haven’t seen much porn in my time but I assume that most porno movies are along the lines of the Black Dahlia, same amount of plot but more nudity and cum in the face.
I do hope I can move on from last night and never think of The Black Dahlia again. However I know that won’t be possible. Now every time I see pigtails, little old men, cops wearing hoodies or Christopher Woolsey sleeping, the horror will return.
Luke-I think we should have gotten high and watched La Strata.
5 comments:
Wow. That was oddly therapeutic. I almost feel a little after-school special-ish, like we all learned a heart-warming lesson about the dangers of movies that ride in the titular coattails of other movies.
I'm still going through my 12-steps, though, which strictly forbids any more consumption of terrible movies for the next 90 days. Thus, I am cleansing myself by watching The Best Show On Television(tm), The Wire.
lbk
Hello. And Bye.
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