Brandon, I know your eyeliner is running, your heart is breaking and your beautiful dreams of becoming the next David Bowie are shattering. But yes you are second best, there is no more Hot Fuss, no more 40 year old women singing along to Mr. Brightside in their oversized Expeditions. You now officially suck, and no longer to just the intelligent people but to all of those who are even mentally capable enough to walk into a Best Buy and purchase a CD. You know why Brandon? Because people rather listen to a goth chick in a black dress than your Cheech and Chong meet Romeo and Juliet in a hurricane on the skyline.
Of course many of you are still thinking, “but they are still number two.” Yes they are but something tells me that isn’t enough for little Mr.Flowers and its a sign of the times. The same sign that tells me no one will know who Panic! at the Disco is in five years. A few years ago the Killers had a brilliant idea of taking a bunch of catchy 80’s rifs and creating an album. This time it didn’t work. This time they just went too far. The over the top video, the molester mustache and the obvious Coldplay ripoff only went so far and now there they are sitting in number two.
Don’t get me wrong there will always be something that just hits you when you listen to a Killers song. They grab you, pull you in and put you in that place you want to be. However it isn’t because they have created a unique sound that you can’t get away from or because technically they can blow any other band out of the water. Its because they are smart and they ripped something off before anyone else did. But now the rest of the music world has caught up with them and the catchy hooks will no longer make up for the shitty stage show where fans suddenly realize Brandon Flowers can’t sing or perform. Now the general CD buying public rather listen to a goth girl with a good voice, then some made up ass hole with a bad mustache.
But life goes on Brandon and as so many artists have done before, you must reinvent yourself. Personally I think I would stray from the 80’s and maybe go way back to teen idol pop from the 50’s. There is nothing the world needs more than the next Frankie Valley. Shave off that mustache and throw on that cardigan and start over. It’s never too late. Not even the day after your second album debuts at number 2. Now is a good a time as any!
1 comment:
The person who wrote the above piece enjoys dressing up like a mule and frequenting county fairs and donkey shows in search of good hard nasty sex with near-sighted livestock who are willing to settle for less.
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