Blog WAR: TEETH

This film reminded me of junior year of college when I took a feminist film studies class. The zombie-like female? professor didn't take a liking to me, probably because I was one of the only non-dikes in the class. I didn't see the issue. I wrote my final thesis paper on the empowerment of Ana by fucking two young boys and helping them realize their homoerotic tendencies in Y Tu Mama Tambien. I think I got a C-. Maybe its an anti-feminist stance, but in my mind there is nothing wrong with using the shit you got for your own benefit, especially when it means screwing Gael Garcia Bernal.

The myth of vaginal teeth was obviously invented by a man, as was the pad, the thong and douche. Some guy in some weird tribe in Borneo probably couldn't get it up and his girl probably told the tribe so he counteracted by saying she had vagina teeth. Typical. Despite the masochistic origin of this myth, I think vagina teeth can be awesome and there are times, like when I sleep with this guy, that I wish I had them. I liked that in the movie the teeth only came out when she was having unwanted sex, however I found it hard to believe that all these men were pre-pedophiles. In my heartest of hearts I think that all men are ass holes, but they aren't all rapists.
This leads me to another recent discovery, and the most anti-feminist of them all. Take this, Professor Butch. This is so fucked up. I didn't choose to be born with a vagina and yet I am suppose to stick some plastic tube up my shit so I can "protect" myself? If your so pathetic and scared that you actually believe wearing one of these is an option, you should most likely be hospitalized. Yes, one in every eight women are sexually assaulted in their lives but I am not wearing a man made vagina tooth just in case I am one of them. First off, unless I am walking all bowlegged, no on will know I got a fucking snaggletooth up my vagayjay. Then if I do get raped and my plastic apparatus bites them, they aren't going to be too happy. So lets see. Rape or rape and murder? Hmmm....Either way, its bullshit. I am sure there are some women who would feel safer with one inside them or who were already raped and are fearful of it happening again. Well get some karate training, an M-16, a fucking bodyguard but not that thing! Shit!

So now lets actually talk about the movie. Uhhhh...yeah, I have never really seen a castration scene in a movie, let alone three, one with a dog. I don't even have one of those things and I had to cover my eyes, as my BFF crossed his legs and screamed like a girl next to me. The best part of the entire movie was when she used her shit to bite off her step-brothers member. Then as he looks around to find the detached bit, she realizes where it is and "lets go." WOW! Let me say that again. WOW!

The movie also reminded me of my chastity/Jesus lovin' days. Of course I didn't have to be forced to spread my legs, it only took 12 shots of Absolute and a motel room in Port Angeles. It also reminded me how much I can't stand sexually repressed people. How lame is it to save your virginity? Who does that, other than Tori Spelling? I hope a bunch of Christian girls saw that movie and realized it was best to just give it up and not wait to stain their perfect white wedding dresses.

My good friend Frank was also in this movie. He has had a lot of starring roles lately, and I think he really has a career ahead of him.