The Shortcomings of Bloggers

You can read the other (wrong) opinion here

99.9% of people who write about music, do it for the wrong reasons. These hipster douche bags possess high trafficked blogs for one purpose. They want to be the tastemakers. These were the kids in high school who sat in the corner picking their noses, had their first sexual experience at 25 and still own an Atari. Lucky for these freaks, unattractive traits are now dubbed "cool."

Then there is me. Heather "the one" Nordeen. My awesomeness is not transmitted by a 3,000-word essay on the technical innerworkings of Grizzly Bear’s new single. No! I am here to pull the reproduction shag rug out from under all the ass holes who think they are making amazing music and in turn, remind the music blogging community that we have a responsibility to blog the bad.

This isn’t about YOU, the blogger and how extraordinary your music tastes are. This is about outing all the artists and bands who are taking us down a very dark road.
They are forcing my peers and I to be remembered with the same disdain as the disco generation. This is the red scare and I am Joseph McCarthy.

I have been on many a first date where things are going well and then after too many vodka-crans I ask the infamous question, "Who are your favorite bands?" Soon a small about puke wanders its way up my throat as the person in front of me responds with "Jens Lekman, Xiu Xiu, MIA, Deerhunter, Animal Collective. You know." I suddenly realize the person who I was considering sleeping with is absent a brain and a walking Stereogum blog.

As bloggers, we must remind these impressionable idiots that there is such a thing as your own opinion in music. Yes its possible you might loose some of your "hipster cred" (which some people I know hold on a pedestal) but at least when Brooklyn Vegan posts about how great Ashlee Simpson’s new album is you will be able to stop and say NO! This is wrong!

We can’t continue to allow these bloggers to let their narcissistic music picks dictate our lives. Of course some of the bands that these blogs say are wonderful, are wonderful. But I am not here to say "good job!" I am here to tell Brandon Flowers he is a Mormon douche obsessed with early Springsteen. God has put me on this earth to remind people that just because a band has an animal in its name does not make it groundbreaking.

You can call me a hypocrite and say I am no different than the rest but you are wrong. What separates me from the music-nazi bloggers is that I am never wrong. I am amazing. I am Heather "the one" Nordeen and my criticisms are as good as the word of God.